An old friend/aquaintance I’ve not spoken to in a few years popped up recently and we got chatting a little over text. In the few years since we spoke she’s had two babies by two different guys. They’re ~6 months and ~2-3 years.

She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I’m not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I’ve frankly not thought about in a few years. But hey, it’s something to do, and it might be interesting. So I suggested a coffee shop near her and asked if she’d be able to get time away from the kids, but she said that no, she’d have to bring the kids along.

I don’t want to be a dick but I’m really not interested in sitting in a coffee shop with two babies. They’re mostly just going to be the focus of the occasion because they need constant attention, and I don’t really like kids in general. And, if they cry or act up and attract attention I will hate that.

AITA? How do I tell her I’m really not interested in sitting with her babies for an afternoon?

  • BlameThePeacock@lemmy.caEnglish
    2·
    5 days ago

    Because friendships as parents are essentially just that, you have limited time to out into friends so you have to be selective.

    • WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      1·
      5 days ago

      but you’re not going to live with them. you don’t have to abandon an old acquaintance just because they have kids and you are not interested in the kids… it’s not like they are physically attached to them inseparably.

      if they can put the kids to the grandparents or the SO can be with them, then why not accept the offer? and if not, like here, just politely decline if you really don’t want to deal with the situation. but you don’t have to alienate yourself at all costs because they have kids.

      • BlameThePeacock@lemmy.caEnglish
        2·
        5 days ago

        It’s not about that one acquaintance, it’s about the time allocation for friends. If someone isn’t going to be able to handle my kids, I’m not going to be able to spend enough time with them to make spending time with them valuable to both of us.

        I don’t get someone to cover my kids every week, it’s going to only happen maybe once a month, so I’m going to use that valuable time to invest in the people I’m maintaining closer friendships with.

        Having 20 friends you see rarely doesn’t make you happier than having 4 friends you see regularly. If you’re single, you can have 20 friends that you see regularly, but that’s almost impossible as a parent with multiple kids.