I would like to know which scratch off lottery tickets are winners and for how much. If I had that power I could either go buy a couple of multi-million dollar winners and live a life of leisure or I could just perpetually pick up hundred dollar winners that are cashed out in the store and essentially go off the grid.

But he had nicer legs than Hitler and bigger tits than Cher!

Ticketmonster has just always been outrageous. I was a teenager in the 80s and it was ridiculous back then too. The prices were lower but the percentages were just as ridiculous, I think. For example, my first concert was Men At Work in 1983. The tickets were $12.50 but my final price at Ticketmonster, which used to be a physical business inside Sears, was over $16, which is around a 30% markup!!

I think the Nobel Peace Prize means about as much as a Kennedy Center honor now

She also thanked President Trump

RopeBunny

My go-to since 1983 is listening to the B-52s album Whammy!

I do hair and used to work at a retirement facility. There was a retired Texas state trooper with Alzheimer’s named Floyd who got a buzz cut every month. He was so out of it that every time I used the clippers on him he’d start swatting the air around his head and would swear, “Goddamn bees!”

R2-D2 was a bisexual opportunist.

This.

My father died when I was a baby

DARE = Drugs Are Really Excellent

Billy is white. He doesn’t have to worry.

If I could flip a switch and just stop my life like turning off a tv I’d do it immediately. Extending it?! Sheesh