I really don’t want to believe this is what it actually is because of the shame and stigma, but I also can’t help but notice that it lines up perfectly with the fact that I was emotionally neglected in childhood and may never have experienced the things I’m attracted to…

A lot of mommy kink stuff weirds me out, though. I feel like I gravitate more towards “confident golden retriever best friend” types, perhaps because I don’t like the idea of an all-powerful dom partner and I want to take the lead sometimes too.

Central Ohio, the general Columbus area.

Yeah, I specifically mentioned to my parents seeing an attractive employee stocking shelves in the grocery store, and they said that I should have approached her. She was clearly busy when I passed by her. I just kept my distance and casually thought, “Wow, there are plenty of fish in the sea. I’ll definitely find one eventually, in a more appropriate social setting.”

Not once did it cross my mind to strike up a conversation with a busy employee, but they insisted that I should have. In my mind, the fact that it’s easy to find women that I find attractive is proof that I don’t need to go out of my way for one. Attraction is not a quick time event; to me, it’s a reminder of abundance, of just how many chances I have to find someone. I don’t need to do silly stunts or disrupt busy people. I just need to keep creating social opportunities for it to happen organically, and eventually it will. I think my parents saying that I have to chat up every woman that I find attractive no matter where is silly and neurotic. I believe being patient and not stressing over every “missed opportunity” is the best way to go.

Besides, this thread is proof that I’m not ready for a girlfriend in the first place. It would be great for me to practice talking to strangers casually and making some friends first. That way, I can get comfortable talking to people in general and build my confidence.

So, any advice on how to get these guys to actually listen? Not sure if this is just an American thing, but I’ve had some bad luck with ERs:

I’ve been kicked of the ER after suddenly losing all feeling in my arm (which thankfully came back a day later).

Another time, I had sudden weakness that was bad enough that I lost the ability to stand while in the waiting room. They checked my basic vitals, saw normal numbers, and rolled me out of the place at 3 AM in a wheelchair after accusing me of making up my symptoms.

When I went to the urgent care for this circulation issue (because the tip of my toe was literally turning black) the doctor told me that it wasn’t urgent and set me up with this vascular specialist. He said casually that it might be some kind of heart problem, but I’d probably be fine because I’m young. That was 3 months ago. The circulation in my hands has diminished during that medium-term time frame, which is the worst time scale for degenerative changes to occur, because it’s not urgent enough for most doctors to consider it an emergency, but not long-term enough for regular appointments to catch it in time.

I appreciate the suggestion to seek emergency care, I really do, but I’ve been burned so many times while losing thousands of dollars in the process that it’s not so clear cut to risk going for a medium-term issue. I don’t have much in savings left, and my parents have made it clear that they won’t be of any help. They accuse me of overreacting and saying that I’m completely healthy despite being physically disabled, and that I will be financially punished for seeking care. (Unrelated, but they are also full-throated fascists who believe that the Holocaust was justified, just to make it crystal clear what kind of people I’m dealing with here.)

It seems that my conditions are downplayed because of my youth, and to make matters worse, I had already been diagnosed with small-fiber peripheral neuropathy for completely DIFFERENT chronic pain years ago that couldn’t be explained, so they could write it off as that despite my hands demonstrably being ice cold when they weren’t before.

So if I’m going to do something like this, I need to do it right. I’m open to suggestions if anyone has any.