On my last post there were 3 comments from remote instances which were posted 2 days ago. They only appeared for me on this instance a few hours ago. I could see them on another account from a different instance before that.
Edit: also the upvotes jumped up simultaneously. Seems like everything was federated correctly from this instance, but had trouble federating back until today
This was a very difficult topic for me for a long time. I was often sexually abused in the past, but went along with it. Lots of stuff that I heavily regret now.
There is definitely a heavy divide between what my mind pushes me to do and what I actually want (I talk a bit more about that divide in other comments). It’s very important for me to listen to my body to find out what I should do.
Now luckily I haven gotten to know a lot of very nice people in the last years, a lot of which were great about the entire consent topic and I even had people refuse sex because they didn’t think my consent was enthusiastic enough. These people really are great and helped me develop a far healthier connection to my own consent. I can now happily report that for around 2 years I only had sex which I healthily consented to and I didn’t regret any that I had since then.
Now I did do a lot more introspection into my consent than most people will do in their lives, which leads to the funny side effect that I’m now absurdly good at grasping my consent. For example, I can still give consent very well even if inebriated. I did have sex multiple times now while heavily under the influence and regret absolutely nothing. I always reflected on my consent afterwards and always came to a positive conclusion. Kind of unlocked a super power right there
I always had it, it just became more noticeable to me after transitioning. Taking hormones (and especially testosterone blockers) totally kills your sex drive (which makes sense, testosterone was my primary hormone for controlling my sex drive before). Ever since then the separation between my bodily sex drive and my mental sex drive became very apparent. Having no bodily sex drive anymore killed my desire for masturbation, as there is pretty much no need for it. My mental sex drive however still stayed strong, which made it obvious that this is more than just a natural sex drive. I yearn hard for any sexual interaction. I sometimes even feel like I’m going crazy over it. It’s like my bodily sex drive fully went into my mental one
I did notice a lot of changes through HRT. My skin is wayyyyy more sensitive to touch. Also to pain. I was always very ticklish, so it’s hard to notice a difference there. My skin chafes very easily now, which can become an issue when walking because I have big enough thighs that they rub against each other. Interestingly I can receive a lot of pleasure through vibrations now. Before I was kinda “meh” when it came to that because I didn’t feel much. Now I bought a vibrating wand and the amount of pleasure from that is insane, best 80€ I ever spent. There’s probably more that I am forgetting right now
Yeah, feel you
Always do
I feel you’re just arguing over semantics. I was clear that I am undiagnosed from the start. What “harmful self treatment” could I possibly do? Have sex? Oh no! If it gives me a solid framework to interpret my own needs and helps life my day-to-day life, I don’t see the issue. I’m also not “acting as an authority”, you’re just pulling things from thin air to try and argue why this is supposedly bad
That does not mean it is right, or safe, to take matters into your own hands and act like you are capable of doing things people with decades of experience cannot do.
I’m also self diagnosed with ADHD, because medical professionals literally refuse to even see adults for that. I have self medicated for it before, which saved my life. I wouldn’t be able to fucking talk to you if I hadn’t. What a fucking stupid opinion.
And you know how I knew I was right about that? Because taking ADHD meds when you don’t have ADHD gives you an experience like ADHD for the duration. If you do have ADHD, it feels like your at peace for the first time on your life. Like all your life was constant TV static and it’s finally calm. So I have actual proof of it without a diagnosis. Which again, saved me from suicide.
Again: MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS REFUSE TO EVEN SEE ME FOR IT! THEY WILL LITERALLY NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! HOW DO YOU FUCKING THINK THAT SHOULD BE SOLVED, HUH??? I’M LISTENING FOR SUGGESTIONS
Thanks ^^
Currently trying to get a therapist. But due to the healthcare system in my country this could take years. Especially since it’s not a priority since it’s nothing urgent
The high sex drive or the hypersexuality? Do you feel like you have compulsive behavior when it comes to sex?
That could just be a very high sex drive. Hypersexuality specifically is a compulsive disorder in which you often feel forced to do things with people. ADHD definitely has an impact on all this, I think.
To be quite honest, I had weeks in which I clocked 40+ hours of masturbation, that was just the norm for me (basically a full time job LOL)
I don’t think a diagnosis will give me access to any tools to handle this. Like what, I would tell my workplace “Sorry, I’m always horny. Please accommodate my needs.” XD. I would mainly want it to understand myself better.
Fair, although I also did mention that I’m still in the process of getting a diagnosis. Otherwise you wouldn’t have known to bring this up. To me personally it feels like I would be tiptoing around reality if I kept on saying I likely have it. I used to for a long time, but that internal uncertainty also kept me from actually pursuing any change
Because I still have that disorder and suffer from it? Idk what to tell you, many people have disorders they will never get diagnosed or know about. I at least know what is going on with me and can start on getting it diagnosed and form my life to better fit my needs. If I didn’t realize I have this, how do you think one would ever go about getting a diagnosis? How would I ever even start on getting therapy if I didn’t even know what’s wrong with me? Do you think you just get therapy randomly? I know so many people that had to fight for a diagnosis of something, as the medical system would rather not give them anything. Idk how you think one can get a diagnosis in today’s world at all if one isn’t diagnosed as a child (which is obviously out of the question for this)
I think it’s actually not that abnormal itself. For me it’s just a lot more than an intrusive thought. There were situations were I had to aggressively pinch myself so I wouldn’t actually do it. The marks from that were visible for weeks
Possibly? Depends on what you feel your body really needs. If it’s just for fun and because you have time and not because you feel you desperately need it it’s probably not a problem
I wouldn’t want to do it 24/7, I need to have a life also and need to find a stable middle ground for it. 5 times a week would probably be perfect, everyday seems like it would stop me from getting things done (note: having sex one time is at least 2 hours long for me, quickies do nothing to help my needs)
I find a lot of people have very certain things they like to do during sex, while my needs are a lot more differentiated. I think at least 3 different people per week would probably be good. Doesn’t need to be the same 3 every week
Very good question. I don’t really understand how I managed to find these great people, but I guess what’s important is to look for people that are independent and don’t rely on others for their daily life. Also ones that are mature and can talk about problems to solve them, especially relationship issues
I never really felt like touching others, I’d rather be touched myself.
I have this one compulsive behavior where I feel strongly urged to kiss a person whenever our faces are close. Very awkward feeling to have to suppress when somebody is looking over my shoulder at work. This also doesn’t discriminate people I dislike or am not into, which makes it more annoying
I’ve always been into a lot of kinks. To me, Vanilla isn’t boring per se, but I do want to live out my kinks whenever possible. Some of the stuff I’m into is extreme, but I don’t feel like it’s escalating over time. I still have vanilla sex sometimes, it’s not bad
No problem.
Regarding the polycule: I’m super happy to have found a bunch of people that are able to treat relationships in a very adult way. Never had drama in 2 years but am in 4 very loving relationships.
Now, I’m also lucky to be in a situation where I can be openly trans very safely. I have a lot of people that are supportive and was never in any dangerous situation because of it.
Funnily enough, it never occurred to me that I have a high sex drive until I got into my first relationships by the age of 20. I always thought “Hey, many people I know masturbate 3-4 times a day, once a day seems pretty normal”. What I didn’t consider was that they did it 10 minutes each time, while I did so for 4-6 hours. It’s good that this is reduced now by testosterone blockers. But now all my physical need has fully transformed in a need for sex, which can make it a bit more difficult.
I don’t ever actually cum during sex (difficult because of past trauma), only through masturbation. But I don’t actually feel like I need it, the sex alone feels way nicer than an orgasm ever did
I transitioned socially when I was 20, so 3 years ago. I started hormones a year ago.
I think that what you’re describing is a relatively common thing, especially with people that have a higher sex drive. To me, some of that is also a bit more extreme. As I said, when I went on testosterone blockers I didn’t feel a need to masturbate anymore. At the time I wasn’t really sexually active, so I didn’t have any sexual activity going on for month when I started to notice me getting really horny. I thought nothing of it. But the next days it just go stronger. After 4 days, I was so horny that I felt drunk. My vision got blurry and I couldn’t walk straight. My friends thought I was abusing drugs and I somehow had to explain to them that, no, I’m just that horny. I tried masturbating at that time, but it didn’t help. It only went away once I had sex on day 6. Since then I rarely ever go a week without sex.
Now, for most people, testosterone will be the primary cause for their sex drive. But for me it’s all a lot more mental than that. I can’t really say if high sex drives taper off naturally. Maybe they do with age but I can’t really give an answer to that